headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
