i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
