Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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