He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You left your phone here
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