Your face is a jimmy john
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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