you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
