We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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