I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
