come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i drank out of a bidet.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
