that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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