She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
