she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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