Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
