Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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