I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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