can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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