Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
