Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
