i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
