Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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