I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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