Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I want to be your penis for a week.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
