the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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