Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
