I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
