Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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