This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
