dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
