My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.