I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize