oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize