Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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