I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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