i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize