He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
