Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
