as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
