Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
