no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
