I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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