Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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