so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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