Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
