we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
