I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
