Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
