God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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