that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
