Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
