My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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