i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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