so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
