In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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