Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
