so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
