Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
