he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
