So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
