I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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