And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
