New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
