He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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