Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
