Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
